Grace

There are days when I wake up after not sleeping well to children who slept great. And I whisper a prayer for strength and grace. Little boys asking me to ride in their couch-turned-pickup-truck. And please hold their stuffed giraffe, who for this round of imaginary play is actually a kitten. And he's happy I'm "riding with him", even tho I did doze off on the pile of paraphernalia he has piled in his "truck".  A baby puking half of her just eaten meal down the front of my shirt. A little boy who forgot that yes, he really DOES need to go potty. In fact, he needed to go 5 minutes ago. Me trying hard to not be angry as I remind him that he needs to have a potty break more often. Forgetting that God's grace is sufficient for potty accidents on the couch. Finally remembering we all fail in our own ways. And that yes, God's grace IS sufficient. A not quite so little boy that asks over and over again about philosophical questions that my brain doesn't feel like it can muster up the power to think through. Saying the alphabet sounds and coming up with silly games. Losing my temper at peanut butter smeared in places it shouldn't be. Saying I'm sorry to little men. Asking for grace. Sinking into the couch once all the littles are down for naps. And realizing that BabyGirl just woke up. Being annoyed. Praying for forgiveness. Remembering at bedtime that there are no more PullUps. Which could prove disastrous to the night of sleep I was hoping to get. Pulling out of the driveway at the time I was HOPING to be in bed. Coming home to pass out said PullUps.
Pulling up covers, and then having little arms grab for my neck and say, "I love you Mommy. I'm glad you're my Mommy. And I like our glad home."

And then there are tears on cheeks. That my children always love me. At the grace of God ever present. All we have to do is accept it, and I pray I'll learn better during tomorrow's challenges. And then go to bed, thanking God that there will be a new supply of his mercies for tomorrow.

the golden fields

Samuel

I love this boy and his zest for life. He is never complacent about anything. He keeps us laughing and shaking our heads....and praying he doesn't break every bone in his body before he's 6. (Thanks to my brother Ben, for walking around with my camera one evening this week.)

Farming

When I was growing up, I used to drive by fields of growing crops waving calmly in the wind, or see the pastures with cows placidly chewing their cud and think, "Farming....My, what a calm and peaceful life."

Excuse me while I fall over laughing at my naivete.

Farming is anything but calm, peaceful and idyllic. 

It is working in the cold November air (sometimes in rain or snow!) power washing machinery so we can put it away clean, which we hope will keep the coons and mice from making messes, chewing wires, and being a nuisance. 

It is spending all winter taking classes, going to meetings, drawing up budgets, paying bills, attending workshops, making lists of needed repairs, and shopping for equipment. 

It is working in late winter and early spring in the cold barn and muddy barnyard replacing bearings, belts, changing oil filters, and all manner of other maintenance. 

It is suddenly realizing you forgot an important repair, and yet should be heading to the field in 2 days. 

It is spending the hours between sun up and sundown - and sometimes also the hours between sundown and sun up! - in the seat of a tractor doing tillage work, planting corn or soybeans, or moving from one field to another. Only stopping to fuel up or fill the seed boxes/bins.

It is sleeping for 2 hours and having to get back up to do it all over again. And sometimes that sleep happens in the cab of the pickup because you were too tired to drive the 5 miles home to bed.

It is standing at the window watching the wind blow and the rain pound, knowing the seed you planted earlier in the day is going to be washed away or packed in the ground so hard you will have to replant. 

It is watching the cloudless sky as you keep on planting, praying for a rain so the struggling seedlings will have moisture to grow. 

It is going crop scouting and discovering the cornfield that look fabulous a few days ago is ruined by a little thing called a cutworm that chewed off the plants right to the ground.

It is FINALLY finishing the tillage, planting, spraying, replanting, and fertilizing.....just in time to get the combine out and ready to harvest the wheat.

It is holding down an off-farm job while doing all of the above. And still trying to make time for family, to not neglect the study of God's Word, or the assembling of fellow believers. Trying to be sure the lines of communication stay open with spouse so you don't feel completely disconnected and just ships passing in the night.

Yes, it's not the calm, peaceful, easy life I envisioned as a young person passing fields and barnyards and pastures of farmers I didn't know. But it is an amazing life. One that pretty much requires a rather deep trust in the Lord. If you don't, you can have a life completely taken over by worry, regret, disappointments, and distrust.

It is amazing because I get to watch my husband grow as a man. A man who falls on his face before God. Who isn't afraid to admit his mistakes. Who can cry at the goodness of our Lord. Who can get down on his knees with his children and point them to their loving Heavenly Father. Who can come home covered in the day's grime and not mind his children clamoring joyously all over him as he stretches out on the floor to 'rest for a minute' - and promptly begins snoring. A man who never forgets to give a simple squeeze of his hand to say "I love you", even when his mouth is too tired to say it.

It is a good life because we get to teach our children about the power of prayer as we pray specific things. Like how much rain we need, and how we would like it to come. Or praying Daddy's utility trailer home from the field when the tire is obviously about to blow - and how we can thank the Lord Jesus because it was ok all the way to being parked in the barn before it gave out. Or thanking the Lord for his plan, even when we don't see it in the discovery of the cutworms and having to rip up the field and start over. Because God's ways are ALWAYS higher than our ways.

On a movie I used to watch growing up, one of the farmer's wives told a lady struggling to survive the harsh realities of farm life during the late 1800's: "you have to write your name on the land to live here." I think after the first few years of struggling to understand and really embrace and become one with the crazy ups and downs of this life, the dirt I just dumped out of my boots and brushed out of my hair bears witness that my name is finally firmly etched in this land. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

LOVE

Recently I have had a song stuck in my head from one of the CD's the kids like to listen to. Well, just a phrase of the song, actually.

"Love makes people do the things they know they ought to do..."

When the song first starts, it sounds like it is going to be some shallow, 'why don't we all just love each other and the world will be wonderful' kind of song. But it isn't. It is actually so simple that it is profound. Of course it is talking about God's love, and our love for Him. And love directed correctly DOES make us do the things we know we ought to do. That simple little song has led me to meditate on verses about love.

"We LOVE him because he first LOVED us..."
"They will know we are Christians by our LOVE..."
"For God so LOVED the world..."
"If you LOVE me, keep my commandments..."
"LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart..."
Etc, Etc...

I have been thinking about how really, everything we do is motivated by LOVE. Love of our Lord Jesus, or love of our sinful selves. How many, many times each day my sinful self-love takes over and my actions are motivated by the love I have for ME. And yet, when I carry out that self-love, I am not one bit more fulfilled. Some days it is a moment by moment, or seemingly second by second choice. But a peace always follows the choice to love the Lord/others over self.

Even when it is as simple as relinquishing claim to that last chocolate peanut butter rice krispie treat and giving it to my brother.

Let the sunshine in!

We can't really help it....since she lives here. :)

At any rate, since the sun HAS come out, we were able to be in the fields this week. Jonathan installed a GPS receiver on the tractor this year, so he has been able to plant corn hands-free. That technology is amazing to me.

Forgiveness

Do you ever just know, right from the beginning of the day, that it's going to be a long day? That's how my Monday started out. Even before I got out of bed, I was desperately praying I would choose to accept the Lord's offer of grace I knew was sufficient for my feelings of inadequacy for the coming day.

Along about early afternoon, I rejected that grace a couple of times. I got upset with the boys for just "being boys". I was already pouting about not being able to fit a nap in for ME. And their boyishness just didn't fit in with my selfish need for peace and quietness.

Shortly thereafter, I knelt down in front of both boys and told them that Mommy was wrong, and I was sorry for having a bad attitude to them, and would they please forgive me. Kenny gave me a hug and said, "It's ok, Mommy. We weren't helping anything." Samuel reminded us all that no one had been doing a good job of obeying the verse we've been working on. Romans 12:10 - "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another."

I love that my little men are so ready and willing to forgive, even when I blow it.

After fellowship was restored, we piled in the van and went to the grocery store; and had the best time ever. I had Heidi on my back in the Ergo, and Sam was riding in the seat of the cart. Kenneth was standing on the front, "driving". We were a "semi truck" going through the store. Sam was making the engine noise (complete with the shifting of gears), and Kenneth operated the imaginary "air brakes". We had an all around jolly time being silly together. When we checked out, the cashier gave the boys a free balloon, so that was fun too!

It sure beat being grumpy, that's for sure!